March 2022 – She Really Needs a Priest

Let’s Talk About Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Director: David Blue Garcia

Screenplay: Chris Thomas Devlin

USA

What its about

*Contains a few spoilers

A “sequel” to the original 1974, and the ninth film in the TCM franchise. It’s almost 50 years since the initial massacre. A group of friends, hoping to open a food truck and other small businesses to gentrify the now abandoned town of Harlow, find that it’s not completely uninhabited as promised.

There’s still one elderly resident (Ginny) living in the run-down old orphanage. She claims to have papers of ownership from the bank and she’s the only remaining caregiver to a seemingly empty building. This ruins Melody and Dante’s launch (a busload of investors are on their way). Assuming she’s just a kooky old hanger- on, complete with a weathered confederate flag hanging outside. They begin a verbal dispute which rouses someone from the back of the building.

“I’m all he has.” She tells the group. One sole orphan to care for. The town reject that no one wanted. A hulking ominous figure moves in the background. Ginny, having been worked up in the confusion, ends up collapsing and is rushed to the hospital. Ruth, Dante’s girlfriend, goes with her and the “son” in the ambulance out of empathy. This is where it starts. The woman dies, the “son” is Leatherface and he goes berserk.

After brutally murdering the ambulance workers, only Ruth is left alive. She’s able to quietly radio in for help stating, “He’s wearing her face.”

This prompts a call to Texas Ranger, Sally Hardesty. The sole survivor of the 1973 slaughter.

What I Thought

It wasn’t bad. The characters weren’t developed as much as they could have been for us to relate to them because frankly, they die pretty quickly. That being said, they weren’t totally unlikeable. I quite enjoyed the Sally character. Although, I wish we had more time with her and it would have been preferable to have the original Sally, played by Marilyn Burns.

Some really exciting gore scenes in this one. Lots of blood. I even kind of felt like they tried to humanize Leatherface a little in this installment. At one point while Melody is begging for her life she apologizes to Leatherface.

I was confused by the purpose of the character of Richter. The abandoned town’s lone mechanic (for some reason). I thought he would play a larger role than he did. It seems his only purpose was to provide the backstory where we learn Lila is a survivor of a school shooting. Another disjointed part of the story. It really didn’t add much to the movie other than the “facing your fears” trope.

I thought the pacing was pretty good, the acting was decent and I enjoyed the nostalgic connection to the original film. But I think it could have been better.

Final Thoughts

3/5

Critics are being pretty harsh on this installment. Is it the best? No, not even close. But we HAVE taken a near 50 year old horror movie and revived it for a whole new generation to enjoy. Which will no doubt prompt them to go back and maybe watch the original, or my favorite installment- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 version. Frankly, I also enjoy seeing the Final Girls come back for that last battle.

Worth a watch if you’re a fan of the franchise, just don’t go in with high expectations.

Where to find it

Netflix

Photo: Paste Magazine

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Let’s Talk About Jakob’s Wife

Director/Co- Writer: Travis Stevens

Horror/Thriller USA

What it’s about

Anne, played by the impeccably timeless Barbara Crampton, has been a dutiful minister’s wife for over 30 years. Her life is predictable, monotonous, repetitive and a little dull. Her husband Jakob, played by Larry Fessenden, is blissfully ignorant of his wife’s feelings. When a bizarre encounter with The Master leaves Anne feeling more awake and emboldened, than ever before. She becomes fearless, feels younger, stronger… But she must feed in order to keep that lustful feeling of finally being alive.

What I Thought

Sink your teeth into this. Within the first fifteen minutes of this movie I knew I was going to like it. It has that classic horror movie feeling. I’d compare it closest to 80s horror. A lot of action, humor, a lot of spraying blood and other fluids, and beautifully done, deliciously disgusting gore scenes. I loved it.

I liked the fact that the main character was a mature woman rather than the stereotypical young damsel. I enjoyed the dynamic, often humorous, between the husband and wife. The wife, Anne, obviously going through a midlife crisis, feeling lonely and trapped and undesired, and her happily unaware husband the minister. He’s supportive, but he takes her for granted and doesn’t really understand her anymore.

When Anne decides to visit an old flame secretly, they find themselves attacked by hordes of rats. Anne, having been bitten, and immediately regretting her actions, flees home to the safety of her mundane life only to learn it’s about to get a lot more eventful.

I loved how they played off of the sexuality of Anne. It was a nice reminder that women in their 50s are still super sexy even though Crampton has hardly aged since her Re-Animator days. The Master is enchanted by the lovely Anne and pursues her seductively much to Jakob’s horrific dismay.

I also really enjoyed the character development of Jakob, Fessenden played him superbly. His character begins as pious, highly conventional and uptight which almost costs him his marriage. When he realizes he only has a few bleak options if he wants to keep his wife AND keep her happy, it puts him in quite the spiritual pickle resulting in some very memorable and hilarious scenes.

Final Thoughts

4/5

Some good jump scares, but not too many. The makeup and effects were fantastic. The Master was brilliantly and classically played by Bonnie Aarons. It pays homage to some of the best vampires of all-time. Nosferatu and The First from Buffy the Vampire Slayer come to mind. Although the pacing was a little off initially, and the writing wasn’t perfect, it picked up and ended up being a highly entertaining watch. I simply loved the ending.

It was a classic story told from a fresh perspective with a lot more layers that I think some critics are missing. Definitely worth your time.

Where to find it

Shudder.

Photo: IMDB

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